Never Sleep

Why Me

I went to bed at ten pm, it is now 4 am and I am still awake. It was a bad night at work. I’m thinking this is the reason. I close my eyes only to have them pop open again. So, it seems only reasonable that I start to write. 

Laying in bed for four hours without sleeping is torture. What is the matter with me? My mind isn’t going twenty miles an hour. I am rethinking the night though. It keeps me awake. Getting a different job may be the only solution to this problem. 

One bad night and I have come to this conclusion. Maybe thinking it through would be a better idea. 

The job is not me. It’s the only way I can describe it. I’ve tried, and at times think maybe it will all work out. But, after tonight I’m thinking a totally new avenue is in order. It is the only place I’ve ever worked where I don’t feel as if I fit in. It’s weird but that’s how I feel.

Not For Me

I didn’t sign up to be a dishwasher. Doing dishes isn’t something I mind. But not all the time. Seems as if I’ve done my fair share of them. It’s someone else’s turn. To be fair, working with a bunch of high school kids is one thing I have never done before. Of course, the kids want to work together. Who wants to work with the old lady? I can’t blame them. Sometimes I just feel sorry for myself. The lead person who was working is young herself. I'm sure she is more comfortable around high school kids also. At times feeling like the odd man out, I just close myself off, do my job and don’t talk to anyone. Tonight, I walked out the door without saying goodbye. I’d had enough. It was busy and between doing dishes, and the drive through, I was exhausted. Lifting heavy things is not what I want to do either. Tonight, I did. Arthritis has already taken up residence in my left wrist. It doesn’t help when I lift things that weigh almost as much as I do. Why does everything have to be so heavy? It didn't improve my mood at all. My wrist aching all night just added to my frustration.

Normally I’m easy to get along with. Tonight, I wanted no part of anyone or anything. Going home was constantly on my mind. 

My Mind Will Not Shut Down

Arriving home, playing with Ernie, I thought my mind settled more or less. So, I went to bed. Sleep eluded me until 2am at which point I got up and made myself a cup of coffee. This most likely didn’t help my getting to sleep. I read for an hour and a half. I’m back in bed and it’s 4:30 am. My eyes have been open all night. It looks like Wordle is in the cards. May as well tax my brain. What else have I got to do?

Today I’ll be crabby. No sleep does not bode well. It is Sunday. Thank God I don’t have to go to work. Thank you Lord. I’ll take it easy. Maybe run outside. That usually relaxes me. Do some light cleaning, read a book, and hopefully doze off for a while. 

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Nights like this don’t happen very often. But when they do it sucks. Why do I overthink things? My brain is wired differently. I see dark when I should see light.

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My left wrist that I fractured a couple years ago is aching. I’ll take that as a sign.