I Want to Stay Home

Count Me Out

I am done for a bit. I need to stay home, chill out, cook some food. Eat with my husband, who I don't know if I recognize anymore, and pet my dog. Can I do this? I work today and tomorrow and then am supposed to be off for five days. Will this happen? Where I work there is a good possibility I will not. But that being said I need those five days off. I need to recharge, get to know myself again. Quit doing for people for once in my life. Sometimes it is a necessity. Don't get me wrong I love doing for people. It gives me a feel-good moment. Sometimes too much is too much.

Please, please, Please

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Can you do this? Can you do that. Oh my gosh I'll tear my hair out trying to please everyone. It isn't possible and I should not worry about it. Not worrying about it is something I most likely will not do. I worry, that what I do. I am a worrier. Anxiety. Who knew. It wasn't until recently I diagnosed myself with this. It is true though. I can take an anthill and make it into a mountain. It's crazy but it is my world.

No Sleep

If I worry too much I won't sleep. The other night I was worried about something at work and my brain would not shut off. Gary woke up at 3 am and said, are you still awake. Yes, I replied, I haven't slept yet. The night turned into morning, and I lay there still awake. I believe I got up at 5 am and started my day. I didn't have to work so I was able to take a nap in the afternoon. I am not a nap taker but that day I was. I think I slept for a good hour and a half. Enough to charge me up for the rest of the day. I got a good night's sleep that night.

Last night I found myself awake at 2 am. I did eventually fall asleep again until four forty-five. I was up out of bed at 5 am. I do have to work tonight. I'll be tired and waiting for the night to be over with.

I'm Off Today

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Friday will be my first day off. I am so looking forward to being off for 5 days straight. Nothing to do, nowhere to go. Just lounge around the house, run, clean, read. Do whatever the heck I want to do. It doesn't happen often so I will take advantage of it. Who knows when it will come around again. I will not have a panic attack. I will enjoy my day, and not think about anyone needing me.

I'm Staying Home

Staying home is not overrated. Although if I did it continuously, I think I'd be ready to go back to work. Am I never satisfied? One way or the other. Can there be an even balance? Work and home. Not running constantly doing this, that, and the other thing. Someday my life will be settled, and I will stay home. For now, I choose to work. It is a personal choice and one I do not take lightly. I need to do this now. No way around it. It works for me and is supposed to be only three days a week. Many times, that turns into four days but once again it is my choice.

For right now work is a priority. It is what it is. Who knows what tomorrow will offer so I make money when the sun shines. As long as I am still able. The future isn't certain, and I worry. There I go again with the worrying. It is a part of me, and I cannot change it.

Stick a fork in me because I'm done.

Is that my phone I hear ringing?