Love, Honor, Obey

Obey?

Marriage, a two-way street. Compromise, love, honor, I guess you honor the one you love. But obey? If that hasn’t been taken out of the marriage vows, I feel as if it should be. Who obeys? My husband can suggest or even ask, but for me to automatically obey him is laughable. I am my own person. I make my own decisions. We make decisions together, but I do not obey him. 

What Does It Mean

What is the meaning of obey? Comply with a command. Or submit to the authority of. I cannot see myself doing either one. If Gary told me I had to obey him I’d laugh. He would never even suggest that. It’s not the kind of person he is. I’d never marry anyone who thought they could control me. Because that is what obey is. Trying to control someone, make them do as you wish. How about asking nicely? That makes more sense. Will you do the dishes please? Can you get me a cup of coffee? Not a command but a question. If I feel like doing it, yes. If I don’t, then no, go get it yourself. 

Don’t tell me what to do. We can sit down and have a conversation. Talk about it, but I will not bend to anyone’s will. My husband would never even think of making me obey him. He knows me too well. 

Don't Be a Doormat

Does anyone have a partnership this way? Where one obeys the other. I feel as if it would be one sided. A silent partner. A mouse in the corner. Afraid to speak or say anything. Scurrying here and there meek and subservient. Would you want to be with someone like that? Someone who has no opinion. Your opinion is their opinion. Someone with no spunk, no fiery personality. A doormat, a person you could walk all over. 

Marriage should be equal. A two-sided partnership. Every decision is discussed beforehand. You each have a say. If one disagrees then the entire thing is tossed aside. Start over and reach a compromise. A place each person is satisfied with. Argue, talk, laugh, and finally agree. This is the best way to go about it.  Both parties are happy with the outcome. Neither one is disgruntled nor unhappy.

Equality 

A union between two people should be equal. Not one status should be above the other. Compatibility goes a long way. Learn to listen, be open to suggestions, and last but not least. Put their feelings right alongside yours. 

Many marriages do not endure the test of time. Maybe this is why. One tries to usurp the other. There is no level playing field. The lion and the mouse. Who wins at this game? I’m afraid you will both come out losers. It’s easy to get a divorce. Roughing out the bad times in a marriage makes it stronger. The one you married should be the one you can tell anything. The one who keeps your secrets. Good and bad. Your best friend. Your confidant. The one you want to come home to. Not someone you submit to or obey.

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Marriage can be the best thing you’ve ever done. Or it can be the worst. 

We all need to obey the law, but the law isn’t your spouse. Or is it? 

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Is your marriage a one-way street?