Bad Days

Drag Me Out

There are times I go to a dark and dreadful place. I’ll stay there for a while, revel in it and then pull myself out. I’m sure it stems from my childhood somehow. The correlation is there. I can go in an instant, there’s nothing to stop me. 

When I’m in this bad place there is nothing to soothe me. There is a darkness so deep it reaches down into my soul and takes residence there. It’s like a seed which when it takes root is hard to remove. 

It's Blacker Than Black

This darkness is so complete, it’s like being underground in a cave. You can put your hand in front of your face and not see it. My mind’s going a mile a minute with nothing but bad thoughts. Self-loathing is a thing and at times it enters my head and will not leave. It is an extreme criticism of oneself. It brings with it a constant belief of worthlessness, inadequacy, and the belief we are undeserving of anything good in this life. The idea that you are not good enough, you will never measure up. You take what you get because you feel you deserve no more.

Many times, in life when someone treats you unkindly or belittles you, you may wonder why. What have I done? Do I deserve this kind of treatment? Have I been that horrible, rotten person they see me as?

Self-Loathing

Self-loathing is a sign or associated with depression. On the whole I’m a happy person with a quick smile. Depression, I suppose everyone gets depressed once in a while. But I’ve never thought of myself that way.  Which is why the self-loathing thing comes as a surprise. Is everyone like this? Or am I different? Do I stand out in an awkward way? Is there something wrong with me? Don’t get me started. Let’s not play that game. 

Everyone is screwed up in their own way. 

Whenever I go into a dark place it’s of my own making. It doesn’t happen very often, thank God for that. If it does, I’ll only get out on my own. As darkness comes for me I accept it and sink down into it. Dark, wicked thoughts chase one another in my brain. Leading to nothing positive. Blackness swirls, the devil's minions dance on my bones. They shriek and they howl. Their faces dark with a desire that’s unholy. Painted in pain their disjointed bodies writhe with an agony I succumb to.

This Post Makes Me Smile

While I write this I smile because it’s all in my brain and in my head, so I have to get it out. There are times I wake up in the morning with a story in my head. The need to write it down is urgent. So, I do.

I do believe we all have our dark days. Nothing goes right, there is no sun. It’s only rain and gloomy skies. But if we all have the belief that the good days outweigh the bad, we get through them. We live to see another day. The devil is out there sitting on your shoulder. You can choose to engage or ignore. 

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Dark days are ahead. Sunny ones are on the horizon. Is this post fact or fiction? You figure it out.

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Blaze your own path.

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